Wednesday 19 January 2011

Help Me

Dear diary,

Class wasn't going well today, again, I did badly in chest examination. That is no surprise at all. Come to think of it, after spending hours fantasizing of hot, steamy sex and counting calories, I spent hardly an hour for study. Come on alannah, what a shame. I came all the way here not to be like this, hopeless and pathetic.

This has to be stopped, this is a total madness. What the hell am I doing!!! Get up, take care of yourself. Stop depending on other people.

For a start, I'm going to study diabetis melitus tonight. Whatever it takes, I must finish it. Once or never, I MUST!!!

Thursday 23 December 2010

I Am What I Am...An Anorexic Bitch!

Tonight, I have made up my mind. I don't think I can live without being an anorexic bitch or work out junkie. I just can't. I hate myself for binge eating and gain almost 10 kilos!!! What have I done.

I don't think I can eat normally anymore, I'll be either an anorexic or just binge eating over food which are likely to make me feel guilty and depressed. I hate this, please.. I know I can no longer eat like others do. I'm in too deep.This is scary.  I know this must be stopped. But I have given up being normal. I'd do anything in this world to be rake thin.

I miss my jeans and cute shirts. I guess I'll be back, not eating and working out as much as I can. Sorry everyone, I know you love me but eating is not the choice. I just can't. Its hard to eat normally. I'm sorry... I guess the only option left is going back being an anorexic. Hey ribs and C6 vertebra...I miss you guys so much...can't wait to feel my protruding bones again : )

Monday 20 December 2010

Boyfriend Vs Crush

Well today is totally a waste of make up. Can't believe i decided not to go to operative room today. There is no reason for me to go there. This is nonsense, what a watse of time!

Okay, wait a sec, let me explain this. I think you will agree that any girl will do anything to be with the person they love, or perhaps have crush on. They’ll even cross seven seas and treacherous storm if they had to. Even worse when the person haven't have the slightest idea that the girl is totally head over heels with him.

This is so wrong. For God sake, I have a boyfriend and he is planning to be with me for the rest of our lives. Just think biatch! Do you realise what you are doing right now, this is CHEATING, YES!! I'm cheating, my God, please don't do this. I feel bad doing this. I don't want him to do same, he'll break my heart. 

I'm sorry baby. Whatever it takes, I'll try my best to forget him. We'll meet next summer dear. Can't wait! Well, about my crush, I know I'll never be with him. Impossible. So, just forget about him. Its not so hard biatch, I know I'll never get the chance to meet him so often now. Not even in the future... But one thing I’m sure about is that he will always be in my heart. Thanks for all the memories we had, you definitely made a big change in my life.
 

Thursday 16 December 2010

OMG

OMG!!! He called my name, he talked to me today. He remembers me, he remembers my name, he saw me through the crowd. He really makes my day : ) I wish I can see you everyday...blushing.

Why on earth do I have to have crush on you. I can't help it, you are just too hot!!! I don't mind your look, I fall for who you really are. I wish I can see you more in the future...XOXO

I AM MOTIVATED

I attended a motivational talk by my adorable giant profesor. The talk was pretty short, I'm not satisfied with that. I need more from him!!! Seriously, I was expecting more from him, his encouraging words and father-like pep talk.

Nevermind, I think he made me realised that it is not just about being a good medical student or a good doctor, it is about how you live your life and giving to the others. Blessing from patients is the key to success and satisfactory in life.

His advice was simple...study study and study. I think what he really meant is that there's no detour to success, no matter how cold the weather is or how thick the books are, I should study, study and study. Personally, he thinks that a good doctor must be excellent in everything. Well, there will be a long way to go before that happens.

From his presentation, he tried to show us that its important to have time for yourself. Try to enjoy life, try to love and help others. Actually, his first advice is never complain, I think what he really meant is that we must be grateful because there are others who are dying to be in our place.

But what really caught my attention is that his passion in study and working as a doctor. I can see that he really has his vision and purpose of life, which is to take medical practise in islamic countries to higher level. It is sad to see the eastern countries are setting the standard in medical field, while islamic countries becoming the follewers instead of leaders. So his wish is that he can contribute something to islam, and we should too.

With that, I thank you doc for giving me the hope and showing me the reasons to stay in this field. The day when you gave me your hurtful, sarcastic pep talk, you've awaken me, encouraged me to go on and keep my head up high, you definitely save my life.

PS -I'm still embarrassed with him. I can't shook my mind off the short case osce exam, I know I wrote crappy stuff...again sorry to disappoint you doc : (

Dear diary

Dear diary, or should I say blog,
I hope we can be good friends as I will definitely come looking for you in the future, complaining of how bad my day is. Whoever reading this, my advice is that...think twice, because this is my bloody diary!! I'm saying this to save you from getting bored with my not so important life issues..thank you : )


Alannah is not my true name. It is a celtic name meaning my child. I chose this name because I happen to be a fan of irish culture. I'm 21 year old college student, on my way of becoming an adult. Physically, I'm just a petite typically looking asian girl, with jet black hair and flared nose. Enough said, if you want to know more about me, just read this blog lol